(Interior massage therapist office)
TRISH
Welcome to ‘Knead it Now’. Is this your first time with us?
(Hair in a tight bun, wearing glasses and clutching her purse. Janet seems very anxious.)
JANET
Actually,this is my first massage ever. My doctor says massage should help with my anxiety.
TRISH
Oh yes, spend some time with one of our specialist and you’ll feel like a new woman.
(Suspiciously)
JANET
This isn’t one of those ‘happy endings’ kind of places is it?
TRISH
Well, I guarantee you’ll be happy after your massage, but we’re completely on the up and up.
JANET
Great.
TRISH
Now, you’ll just go in this room and undress. Then lay face down on the table with the sheet covering you. Your therapist will be in shortly, ok?
JANET
Gotcha
(interior room. The room is dimly lit. A massage table and sheets are in the center of the room. Enya music is softly playing. Janet undresses and gets under the sheets. There is a knock on the door.)
JANET
I’m ready. Come in.
(Bill enters the room with a shuffling gait. His clothes are torn and bloody and his body appears to be decaying. He is obviously a zombie. He walks over to a table and starts a timer for the massage)
BILL
ARRRRRRROOOUGGH
JANET
Hi, I’m Janet.
(Bill pumps massage oil onto his hands and spills a lot on the floor. Bill claps his hands together and one of his fingers flies off and lands in a container of hot massage rocks. He puts his hands on Janet’s back and starts his massage.)
JANET
Wow, your hands are really cold. Could you warm them up a little?
(frustrated)
BILL
ERRRRNNNN
JANET
Thanks
(Bill looks around and decides to dunk his hands in the hot rocks container. Besides his hands, he also pulls out his missing finger. It is now charred and looks like an old french fry. Bill shrugs and eats it.)
BILL
Mmmmmm
(Bill continues giving the massage)
JANET
Oh, yes that’s much better.
(Nods)
BILL
GRRRRRRR
JANET
More pressure though. Could you use more pressure?
(Shakes head and starts pressing harder on Janet’s back)
BILL
HARRRFFFH
JANET
Oh, that’s amazing! More, please more.
(Presses so hard that one of his arms breaks.)
BILL
DAAAAMMMMGGGRRR
JANET
Oh, don’t stop.
(Bill takes the broken arm and starts smacking Janet on the back with it)
JANET
That’s great!
(Uses his good arm to start massaging Janet’s scalp)
BILL
Brrraaaiiinnnsss
JANET
Oh, yeah I’ve never had a scalp massage before. That feels wonderful.
(Bill starts to lower his mouth towards the back of Janet’s head like he’s going to take a bite. Janet rears her head up, head-butting Bill, knocking his teeth out)
JANET
Ouch, sorry about that. Ya know I was just thinking. I can’t believe I waited so long to have a massage. I should have done this YEARS ago.
(Spits out teeth)
BILL
MUMPFFUULLL
(Bill goes back to the hot rocks container and grabs the biggest rock he can find. He raises it high over Janet’s skull)
BILL
BRAAAIINNEESS
(The alarm goes off telling that the time is up. Bill turns and slips on the oil on the floor. He falls and strikes his chin on the edge of the massage table, popping his head off. The head rolls under the massage table)
JANET
Wow! I can’t believe it’s over already! I REALLY do feel like a new woman.
(Bill is under the table blindly searching for his head as Janet gets up and dresses. With her hair down and a spring in her step, Janet throws some money on the massage table and leaves)
JANET
Thanks so much!
(Blackout.)
